Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Do you remember when your baby said I love you? I am sitting in the living room while the speech therapist (we will call her L) is with Cayden, and I am hurting... I don't hear that. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will.... I watch him while he struggles.. You can see in his face that he wants to say something. and he just can't. Just this morning, L tried to get him to say hop... he tried so hard, he wanted to, he moved his mouth in the right direction and he just couldn't get it out. The look on his face just made my heart break. In times like this where I just want to roll in a ball and wonder why, cry out to God to ask why he struggles so hard to do something that you can tell he wants to do. But even in the pain, I try (not always succeed) but try to hold on to the fact the GOD HAS A PLAN for this dear boy. I look at Beethoven and how he was deaf, I look at Albert Einstein and his learning disabilities, and Helen Keller, They all struggled with something but look who they became! It breaks my heart that I can't hear Cayden say those three simple words that we all as a society take advantage of but I must cling to the fact that God is in control and as Jeremiah 29:11 says,  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

I realize some of you may not know what exactly is going on with Cayden, There is no definite diagnosis yet besides a severe speech disorder. They are thinking it may be Apraxia Of Speech, but cannot truly test for that until about age 3. Here is a link to some information if you would like to read into it here But basically his brain has a short circuit when he is trying to tell his mouth to say something. He can sometimes say words while he's playing in his room but you won't hear that word again for weeks or even months, and he looses words too. It is very strange and confusing and heart breaking and discouraging all at the same time. I should feel lucky, because at least he can say Mama and Dada.... 

Although I am new at this blogging thing, I really do think it helps... As I sat down to start writing this my heart hurt so bad and I was honestly fighting tears from falling. But as I close, I feel less overwhelmed and sad, just reminded of Gods goodness and his everlasting love and help as long as we ask for it. Thank you for taking the time to read this the few of you who do I hold you dear to my heart, for with this blog I am sharing the inside of my soul. 

Kloves encouraging word of the day says: Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases  Psalms 103: 2-3 

Just another reminder that He knows all that goes on and will take care of us. 
 My sweet boy!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Wow so this weekend was super busy! Cayden had a great Speech Therapy visit yesterday... We were able to keep the paci out and he paid very good attention to her.. He still didn't say anything and she shared with me that he is showing more and more signs of apraxia. We have decided to let him keep the paci for night time and nap time, and for the past few days he's been very good at giving it to me when he wakes up. sometimes it takes a few hours but most of the day he's paci free. We are looking into getting him a new Pediatrician that can help us with diagnosis and getting the right help for him that we can. It is so hard to look at your child and see his tantrums and watch him while he completely looses it until i figure out all he wanted was a cup of juice, or a snack, or even just to hold me. We are learning to read each other and that is helping but I am not always going to be right here. I do see how God is working though. I am way more patient with him than I ever thought I could be. I used to get so frustrated and irritated when i he (and even Angelina) when they would throw fits and cry forever, as any parent can understand constant crying can be trying... And every day that goes by in our new adventure of talking I can feel myself more relaxed and calm. I know that is is God and ONLY Him that keeps me sane during these trying days. I still struggle with finding ways to make Angelina feel more special. She has been acting out so much and throwing horrible tantrums lately but i know it is because Cayden is getting so much more attention right now. So i know i need to compensate for that, but i am only one person. I have no idea how to deal with her new attitude. I lean on my favorite verse Jeremiah 29:11 and I know and trust that it will all get better.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

I am new to the blogging world. I have never really been a writer but sometimes I feel like if I can just write out my day and all that goes along with it I can handle those curves life sends us. So here we go, I'll start with giving you a background of the Brenners. I am married to my best friend of 16years, He is in the Military and we have a 5 year old little girl named Angelina and a 2 year old boy named Cayden. They are my life and I am happy to be their mom. Though not without struggles... Our youngest has been recently diagnosed with a severe speech delay. So our days are not always calm and fun filled. I hope to use this Blog as my outlet for sharing how my days go and how God has helped me get through it. One thing God has given me is the ability to create fun and creative crafts and projects. this helps me relieve the stress that my days can build. I hope to share tutorials on how I do my crafts and show pictures on my cake creations as well....