Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Do you remember when your baby said I love you? I am sitting in the living room while the speech therapist (we will call her L) is with Cayden, and I am hurting... I don't hear that. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will.... I watch him while he struggles.. You can see in his face that he wants to say something. and he just can't. Just this morning, L tried to get him to say hop... he tried so hard, he wanted to, he moved his mouth in the right direction and he just couldn't get it out. The look on his face just made my heart break. In times like this where I just want to roll in a ball and wonder why, cry out to God to ask why he struggles so hard to do something that you can tell he wants to do. But even in the pain, I try (not always succeed) but try to hold on to the fact the GOD HAS A PLAN for this dear boy. I look at Beethoven and how he was deaf, I look at Albert Einstein and his learning disabilities, and Helen Keller, They all struggled with something but look who they became! It breaks my heart that I can't hear Cayden say those three simple words that we all as a society take advantage of but I must cling to the fact that God is in control and as Jeremiah 29:11 says,  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

I realize some of you may not know what exactly is going on with Cayden, There is no definite diagnosis yet besides a severe speech disorder. They are thinking it may be Apraxia Of Speech, but cannot truly test for that until about age 3. Here is a link to some information if you would like to read into it here But basically his brain has a short circuit when he is trying to tell his mouth to say something. He can sometimes say words while he's playing in his room but you won't hear that word again for weeks or even months, and he looses words too. It is very strange and confusing and heart breaking and discouraging all at the same time. I should feel lucky, because at least he can say Mama and Dada.... 

Although I am new at this blogging thing, I really do think it helps... As I sat down to start writing this my heart hurt so bad and I was honestly fighting tears from falling. But as I close, I feel less overwhelmed and sad, just reminded of Gods goodness and his everlasting love and help as long as we ask for it. Thank you for taking the time to read this the few of you who do I hold you dear to my heart, for with this blog I am sharing the inside of my soul. 

Kloves encouraging word of the day says: Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases  Psalms 103: 2-3 

Just another reminder that He knows all that goes on and will take care of us. 
 My sweet boy!

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